Hakeem Olajuwon's mosque was accused of funding a Middle East charity that was actually a front for the Al-Aqsa SPAM Brigade. This organization has been on federal watch lists for some time, and is suspected of hijacking the servers of anti-SPAM vendor, SpamCop. The United States was the target of a massive email blocking operation, designed to attack American freedom and liberty. This chain of events has prompted the KFBA, one of the attack's many victims, to place an asterisk next to all of Olajuwon's records.

"I vehemently deny knowingly contributing money to the Al-Aqsa Brigade," Olajuwon said, reading from a statement. "I would never support any organization that restricts the flow of information--especially information regarding the KFBA's superior basketball product."

But this statement is belied by information obtained by the Kentucky Fried Press. According to messages originating from Olajuwon's Hotmail account, the e-mail blocking campaign is only Phase One of the Al-Aqsa SPAM Brigade's plan of world terror. Phase Two called for the daily release of ten trillion emails urging recipients to vote Nazr Mohammed into next year's NBA All-Star game.

The Colonel has turned all information over to the proper authorities.